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July 11, 2012 / deorr

Every Critter – our next book?

This month’s Wired magazine has a pitch by author Rudy Rucker to write a purely hypothetical book on commission for the National Zoo. It’s about synthetic life overrunning the planet (

Every Critter

By Rudy Rucker

» For The National Zoo

With the coming of biotech, the planet is flooded with wetware-engineered plants and animals. The government wishes to archive a living sample of each of the new lifeforms being made. So a so-called NonZoo is set up as an offshoot of the National Zoo.

The former chamber of the House of Representatives is cleared out to provide quarters for the amazing NonZoo collection, which can be visited only with elaborate decontamination routines at the entrance and exit. Within the NonZoo, we find the original alpha versions of the squidskin wallskin display, the housetree, the slugsled, the snap-on angel-wings, the dragonfly camera, the fungus rug, the please-plant, the floor-tongue, the soft chair, the fly-dino, and a myriad of other biotweaked organisms.

The crisis occurs when our hero, a fanatical New Adamite, signs on as a keeper at the NonZoo and manages to create a chimerical creature that is a fusion of each and every one of the wetware-tweaked species. His so-called universal life form or everycritter breaks out and, in one frantic twenty-four span, the nimble and uncannily mobile everycritter has sex with – and impregnates – every female animal of any kind to be found on Earth.

The despondent males of the planet agree to eliminate each other in a gargantuan Superbowl death-match – leaving our New Adamite as the sole survivor. Calmly aging, he looks on as the everycritters settle into an eons-long domination of his world.


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